Two daughters,

countless hopes, dreams, and expectations,

shared life experience…

 

gone but not forgotten.

 

This is not simple. Reimagining life takes time. Lives may not be gone, but there has been a loss. There has been a death. Grieving must have a place so that healing can occur and something new can come.

 

Certainty is a thing of the past.

 

Things that seemed certain and unquestionable

are uncertain and meant to be questioned.

 

Marriages break under stress of family calamity.

Faith can be discarded.

 

Both for me are not lost,

but have been strained and stretched,

streamlined and refined.

 

Answers?

No, I have not found answers.

 

Instead, I have found more questions and pain,

but also hope and resolve.

 

Perspective and resilience have grown,

and I have discovered my voice.

 

This whole issue has torn at the very fabric of who I am, or at least who I was, or who I thought I should be. I am becoming something new.

 

Softer, calmer, more aware.

Less certain, more tentative.

More cynical, but ever optimistic.

Healing, learning, growing.

 

Children changed, but not lost.

Relationships strained, but not lost.

Faith challenged, but not lost.

 

Love, always present, rediscovered, stronger than ever.

Hope, dashed at first, but reawakened to new possibilities.

Faith, not proven, but worth cradling, loosely holding on to things unseen.