I’m in the process of upgrading my parenting program to Parenting 2.0. The first version is outdated and needs maintenance to fix some known bugs and issues.

In the first edition, it seemed that my main job as a parent was to teach and model. I thought I needed to exemplify what it meant to follow God and be successful at it – to show that it produced results and then to expect the same from my family. I needed to act like God was all I needed, pushing my feelings and experiences away when they didn’t match up to that ideal because I must be doing it wrong. I just needed to try harder, trust more, and be more selfless.

In my striving to prove I was following God well, I was hard on myself. Grace was something I could give away to others, but not something for me. Unfortunately, the critical glare I had focused on myself was equally pointed at the members of my family. I saw them as a part of me and my presentation to the world. I could have compassion for others outside of our family, but not for me, not for us.

So often in churches and faith communities, we hear about loving God and loving others, but we don’t spend much time on receiving love and loving ourselves. We always need to put God and others first, which leads to the idea that we must neglect our own needs and desires. That may not be the intent, but I think it is often the result and creates feelings of guilt. Within our family, it was easy to be demanding about behavior and living up to expectations rather than being gracious to each other.

The focus of Parenting 2.0 is to love and to value, to affirm and make a safe place. There is more freedom in this version, both for me and for my children. I have the freedom to be real about my experience and needs, and I can give my children freedom to explore and learn and take responsibility for their own thoughts, actions, and beliefs. This is a much healthier version for creating a robust environment of growth.

If God doesn’t want us to need anyone or anything other than him, why did he create us to need relationship, to need fulfillment, to need sustenance, to need affirmation? I think the main point of loving God with your whole being means recognizing the source of all of those things we need, desire, and enjoy. Following God isn’t about being selfless, it’s about overflowing with fullness such that it spills onto everyone and everything around you. Jesus didn’t give himself from a place of emptiness, but a place of fullness.

The likelihood that I will teach and model something of value increases in this version as well, because the focus is not on living up to something, but rather living in fullness and freedom. I can show love and value to others much better when I am full of being loved and valued. I can affirm and provide a safe place for others much better when I have been affirmed and feel safe being me.

The updates will take time to implement fully, but the start of the process has been productive so far. I’m sure there will be additional fixes and patches to put in place as time passes, but each increment of improvement is worth the research and effort required, especially because I benefit from the upgrades alongside my family, operating from a place of being filled and free.