When we hear that someone has become disillusioned, the response is usually one of sympathy and condolences. I wonder why that is? 
To be disillusioned is to be free from illusion or to lose naive faith and trust. You believed something to be good, valuable, or true, but have now come to realize that it was only an illusion – something that looks or seems different from what it actually is, or an idea that is based on something that is not true.
In the 1999 movie, The Matrix, real life was dangerous, bleak, and often hopeless. However, the majority of people lived in an illusion of plenty and freedom not even realizing it was an illusion. Some knew, yet chose to continue living in the illusion because it offered an experience of fulfillment and comfort. Morpheus gave the protagonist, Neo, a chance to choose when he said,
“This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill—the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill—you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes. Remember: all I’m offering is the truth. Nothing more.”
I’d like to think I would always choose the red pill, though I can’t say for sure. I certainly don’t want a rosy life that’s comfortable and “perfect” but not genuine. I want the truth. I want the raw. I want the real.
Then the days got shorter and the air began to cool. We sensed summer coming to an end. A new school year was just ahead with autumn right on its heels, bringing the excitement of new teachers and classrooms, old and new friends, and the exhilaration of crisp fall winds blowing puffy white clouds across the cornflower blue of a midwestern sky. Crunchy brown, yellow, and red leaves littered the sidewalks, and children threw on sweaters and hoodies to skateboard and bike home from school. The smell of decomposing leaves and damp earth, the chilly air, and the scent of burning logs from a bonfire kindled memories of seasons changing in years gone by.
When Christianity is reduced mainly to a get-out-of-hell-free card, it is almost entirely missing the point. If instead it is the opportunity to walk in sync with the creative force behind our extraordinary world, it is wonderfully appealing. When the focus is on behaving well and being submissive, one misses so much of the potential joy and beauty of growing a relationship with the divine. The results may look similar, but in the deepest part of one’s heart, the difference is incomparable. Certainty is the enemy of faith as it makes faith about being right rather than about revelling and trusting in what cannot be seen.
Families are the building blocks of human life and relationship. They connect people that would never choose to be friends and bind them together in interesting and challenging ways. Once one thinks they’ve figured out how things work, something changes and one must begin the figuring again. One can choose to opt out of active relationship, but one can never break the ties of blood.
As an optimist, I entered this year of writing with an unspoken hope that my research and transparency would impact the choices of my twins, causing them to rethink their decisions and prevent them from undergoing permanent changes. In a way, I was still striving after something, but quietly, the undercurrent beneath the surface. I hoped for a miracle of enlightenment that would alter their courses.
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