Jamaica is an amazing tropical paradise. The high temperatures on the northern beaches are consistent year round at about 80 degrees Fahrenheit. It is the third largest Caribbean island at just over 4200 square miles: 146 miles long by 51 miles wide. For comparison, Connecticut is the third smallest state in the U.S. at 4845 square miles, but is larger than the island nation of Jamaica. Jamaica has gorgeous white sand beaches on its northern shores, is totally surrounded by the Caribbean Sea, and also has seven mountain ranges including Blue Mountain Peak at 7402’ from which we get the world’s best and best-known single origin coffee in the world. Montego Bay, Jamaica, is a little over 500 miles from Miami, Florida – just a quick 40-minute flight away. The island also has lush rainforests, over 120 rivers with breathtaking waterfalls, and some of its native produce includes avocados, bananas, spices, and limes. Continue reading
Category Archives: Autobiographical
Recovery room
Twice I have had surgery, both times for Caesarean-sections. Each time I was taken to the recovery room following the procedure. After receiving anesthesia, one must be monitored closely until the anesthesia is safely out of the system and all the feeling returned to one’s extremities. Both times I was awake, having only been administered anesthesia from the midsection down. I remember feeling cared for like at no other time in my life. There was one other person there, a nurse, whose sole job was taking care of me. When I said that I was cold, I was offered warming blankets until I was comfortable. As I was so often cold in those days, my circulation to my feet less than stellar, this experience of feeling completely warm was especially sweet. Nothing was expected of me except to rest and regain my feeling. Continue reading
Reminiscing
There has been little lightheartedness in my life this past year. Even the moments I’ve felt hopeful have often gotten derailed by unsettled thoughts and questions. I’ve been missing the closer relationship with my twins from when they were younger, before any of us lost our innocence. In the midst of processing the recent changes and trying to figure out how to feel, think, and act, I decided it would be fun to take a respite from contemplation and spend a little time reminiscing. Even though we have not been perfect parents, we have enjoyed life with our children, and it’s good to remember that not everything has been a challenge. Continue reading
it’s complicated
You know those relationship status updates on Facebook? So and so is engaged. So and so is in a relationship. Then there’s the one that says, it’s complicated.
That’s the way I feel about the issue of gender dysphoria in my twins and the life of our family. On the one hand, it makes no sense to me. It makes me sad and confused and angry by turn, because of the loss I feel: the loss of my daughters and the loss of the vision for my life’s story. Continue reading
Asking Permission
The impetus for me to write this blog came sometime last December 2017 after our second twin shared their transgender identification with us. Prior to that, I had felt like I could come to grips with the choices of the first twin and let go of my desire for control and instead hope for healing of relationship and renewed commitment to my faith traditions.
After we dropped both twins off at their respective universities to begin their freshman years, my goal had been to focus on developing a new relationship of peace and health with the first (and only, at the time) one to identify as transgender.
Halfway there
Today marks the halfway point of my year of writing this blog. I am halfway there. From the Longman Dictionary of Contemporary English, being halfway there means “to have done something that will allow you to achieve something else.”
Halfway there is a good feeling.
When you’re halfway to your weight loss goal, you’ve really accomplished something. It helps create momentum to carry you to completion. Continue reading
Surprise
In August 2017, my husband and I became empty nesters. It was a time which we had looked forward to throughout our 21 years of parenting. Now it was here, and it was so freeing to have only the two of us to consider when deciding when and where to eat, what to watch on television, when to go to bed, and on and on. It was a fresh start. Continue reading
Excerpts from a mother’s note
Plans for “top surgery” are on track yet this month for our youngest twin. We’ve exchanged some thoughtful messages via email and on the phone over the past couple of weeks. I’ve appreciated our ability to communicate without overt conflict. There has been a tone of love and respect from all of us. It’s a disconnected feeling to step outside yourself and philosophically know you’re able to cope with a situation while at the same time experiencing an undercurrent of anxiety and heartache that isn’t alleviated even during sleep. 
I wrote a final message today to express some feelings and thoughts before leaving the ultimate decision up to them. Here is the excerpted version: Continue reading
You’ll be okay
I feel like my hands and feet have been tied behind my back, and I’ve been thrown into a deep pit of water. I can’t breathe.
If the blog of my journey were a record album, I would want to push the needle down hard into the grooves and scrape it across the entire story, destroying the totality of it with a primal screech before breaking the album into pieces on the floor.
Fortunately the voices in my head are stilled by the more objective voices of friends – friends who can stomach my extremism without judgment. They can share my strong emotions, but talk me back from the ledge of my fears. They speak hard truths, but with compassion.
Be Curious, Not Judgmental
“Sometimes, all you need is someone who will listen. It is fortune enough to have people around who hear you & not judge you.”
― Tara Estacaan, Internet blogger, poet, artist
I had the most wonderful flight recently. Usually I don’t prefer to chat with my fellow passengers when I fly, but this was the last of three flights in one day to get me home from a solo trip to visit my parents, and I was ready for some conversation. Continue reading
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