When I was in elementary school, I shared a bedroom with my older sister. Our second story room was spacious, and its large windows overlooked the front yard and street. I remember watching out those windows on a cold, snowy night, anxiously awaiting the arrival of my two older brothers. They were away at college and were expected home for Christmas. There was a streetlight nearby illuminating the swirling flakes of sparkling snow. My sister and I had gone up to bed as it was already late, but we weren’t sleeping. We were talking dreamily, listening for a car to approach, occasionally pulling the curtains back to take a peek at the snow. Continue reading
Category Archives: Autobiographical
Respect
“Putting your hand over your heart makes you both appear and behave more honestly,” reads a headline from a March 2014 post on Smithsonian.com.
That gives credence to the warmth and generosity we felt when receiving the passing greeting, “Respect,” from staff and locals while in Jamaica. Crossing the courtyard of the resort, when encountering a staff member, they would put their right fist across their chest, bow their head slightly, and quietly say, “Respect.” A simple nod and reciprocated fist across the chest was appropriate acknowledgement. Continue reading
Identity
Our identity is comprised of the intersection of our thoughts, our feelings, and our actions. In an earlier post I suggested that those three need to be in equal tension in order to hold us upright. I didn’t make the connection that what they hold upright is our identity. Continue reading
Smoothing their paths
Believe it or not, I actually love going to the dentist. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not excited about the hands in my mouth, the water splattering my face, and wondering about whether or not I’ll receive a good report. No, I’m excited because the people at my dentist office empathize with me and my challenges but also help me see the bigger picture as it relates to my children.
After receiving a favorable welcome from the new receptionist, I was greeted with a hug by my hygienist. Last time I was here, I talked to this hygienist about my twins and shared my heart with her. We have a lot in common, and she was so sweet then and showed appreciation for my candor.
We talked about her challenges with her grown kids being judgemental of her as a single mom, divorced several years ago from their dad who then passed away from cancer, and then married and divorced again just in the last couple of years. I shared about my recent experiences starting personal counseling, and she added her observations from interactions with her therapist. Continue reading
Three Days Sober
In substance abuse programs, celebrating sobriety birthdays or benchmarks is considered important to serve as a reminder of the progress and growth one experiences through the recovery process.
I have not had a substance abuse problem, nor have I been in a substance abuse recovery program. However, coming out from under guilt-ridden faulty source beliefs is a recovery process all its own.
Last week, at the end of one day, I realized I hadn’t heard a guilty, attacking voice in my head all day. Two more days passed. At the end of the third day, I was surprised to discover that the voice had been quiet for three whole days. It hadn’t just been suppressed because I was telling it to go away. It was just silent.
It was at that moment I felt like celebrating my “three days sober.” It seems like an apt comparison. I am actively removing something in my life that I had felt was there to help me but was really destructive and full of negative power. I am seeking outside support to gain tools and resources for replacing the voice with mindfulness and critical thinking. I am developing and renewing friendships that reinforce the truth of challenge in all of our lives while at the same time providing space for encouragement and acceptance. Continue reading
Stuart’s Cape
Our family of five has lived in three homes in three different states in the 19 years since the twins were born. This has meant being either far away or very far away from extended family at different points in time. In order to see them, travel was a necessity. Travel by airplane is an expensive proposition, and when you take the cost of a flight times five, it’s highly impractical, so the travel method of choice for our family was road tripping.
Seemingly endless road trips are not the joy of most small children, so to make the trips more bearable, we often listened to books on tape while we traveled. What a difference that made! An all-time favorite is a book from 2002 by Sara Pennypacker called Stuart’s Cape. Goodreads summarizes it like this: A quirky, inventive chapter book featuring an unusual hero – an 8-year-old worrier.
At the start of the story, we find that Stuart wants to have an adventure. Because his family just moved to a new town, his packed-up box of toys mistakenly got picked up with the garbage, and he doesn’t have any friends yet, Stuart has to get creative. While conceiving adventure by imagining becoming a superhero, Stuart determines that adventures only happen to people in capes. He creates his own cape out of items all found in a box in the hallway labeled Stuff from Great Uncle Nester’s Magic Act. With the rusty stapler he discovered, Stuart fastened together all one-hundred ties he found along with a lone purple sock stapled inside to create a secret pocket. Best cape ever. Continue reading
Sex change?
When I was eight, a man who had undergone a sex change was making news by suing the United States Tennis Association to gain the right to compete in the 1976 US Open as a woman. I’m not sure where I heard of the story, but I do remember being aware of it and wondering about the concept of a sex change. Continue reading
Senior albums
When our oldest finished high school, I created a video montage of “18 years in 18 minutes” for his graduation open house. Then I took the photos from the montage and arranged them into a digitally created photo album. I had two copies printed – one for me and one for him. 
I planned to do the same thing when our twins graduated high school a year and a half ago. I’ve tried to create traditions within our family, especially those that are about preserving memories. Much of the process was carried out then, creating the video montages and organizing the majority of the pictures into photo books online. After their graduation open house, I was waiting to receive the official graduation photos and for their eighteenth birthdays to occur before finalizing the albums. Those things happened, but I didn’t feel like finishing the books. I was at a loss as to how to complete them when I didn’t know which name to use on the book for the twin that had already changed his name. So I put the project to the side and figured I’d get to it down the road. Continue reading
What’s in a name?
Names have always mattered to me.
As a child, when we went on vacation, I always looked for souvenirs that had my name. I never found one just waiting for me on the racks and racks of personalized keychains and trinkets. My name was unique, not common, so it just wasn’t meant to be. I felt left out.
My parents gifted me with a silver identification bracelet when I was in junior high. I still have the bracelet and even wore it to work one day recently. Engraved with my first name and embellished with a small heart charm, it still has a place of importance to me. Continue reading
Source Beliefs
Most of us have heard that a child’s formative years play a key role in their cognitive, social, emotional, and physical growth and their ability to achieve their full developmental potential. The World Health Organization (WHO) affirms that nurturing care is at the heart of children’s potential to develop, while the United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF) states that during the years of early childhood (0-8 years old) “a child’s newly developing brain is highly plastic and responsive to change as billions of integrated neural circuits are established through the interaction of genetics, environment, and experience. Optimal brain development requires a stimulating environment, adequate nutrients, and social interaction with attentive caregivers.” Continue reading
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